Courtship, Parting and Reconciliation
by vnfan
Summary: Glimpses into the courtship, parting and reconciliation of Remus and Tonks.
1. Courtship

Author's Note: The characters, of course, all belong to JK Rowling. If something from these particular scenes is familiar, you may have seen it on the LJ rtchallenge Spring Ficathon.

Overload

Remus:

Sirius had invited her to stay sometimes when it would be convenient for her. He sent me up to help her unpack. I'd seen colorful knickers before, of course, but this was overload. Each time I saw her after that, I wondered which ones she was wearing: stripes, polka dots, animal print... and did the bra match? Guh.

Sirius must have done it on purpose. He brings her up in conversation often enough, with the consequence that she is nearly always on my mind. Perhaps not always foremost, but always at least a splash of color on the periphery.

Black Coffee

Sirius:

A love of coffee and doughnuts was one of the things Tonks and I had in common. Our Black relatives would be appalled that the only place we liked to get them from was a Muggle shop up the road. Now that I was confined to the house, takeout was my only option. Tonks always brought a proper assortment of doughnuts: twists with glaze, jelly filled, ones with powdered sugar that gave you a beard, a chocolate one or two. We would sit in the kitchen together after she'd had an all night shift and I'd had an all night bender and sip "hot, so hot!" coffee that scalded us and inhale our doughnuts. After awhile, Remus started to join us. He, of course, showed a preference for the chocolate ones. One morning, after too much Firewhisky and Marauder memories, Remus and I pulled our heads off the kitchen table to see our styrofoam cups of coffee being put in front of us. Perfect. I really needed that strong, black coffee.

But the coffee wasn't black. "Tonks!" I coughed, "what is this shite?" She said something about Mocha Madness, or some such nonsense, but I couldn't be sure she was paying attention to me. She was watching Remus very intently as he started to drink. His sigh of pleasure brought a very satisfied glint to her eyes. Hmm. That would explain a lot. Over the last few weeks, the selection of doughnuts at the shop seemed to have narrowed quite a bit. Most of the doughnuts she brought had chocolate on them. The few times Remus wasn't there, she'd looked really upset. I had thought that she was disappointed that she'd have to eat all of the chocolate ones by herself. Apparently not.

Tonks was easily figured out. Moony? A bit harder. He'd never chosen to be a ladies man at school, though he could have been. I wondered...and then Tonks tripped. As a matter of reflex, Moony caught her and pulled her onto his lap to keep her from hitting the floor. But he didn't let her go. "Thanks for the coffee, Tonks. It was perfect." Ah, that was well done. Husky tone of voice, lingering eye contact, slow grin. Make it clear that the coffee is not what you are really talking about. He learned all of that from watching me, I'm sure.

Body Language

Sirius:

James Potter and I had always wanted to be Aurors. We used to plan strategies for interrogating a suspect together. He didn't know it, but Remus had been our test subject. He'd always had amazing self control. We used to test him, to look for the signs that would give a clue about whether something bothered him or not. Remus would hide his anger, frustration and hurt for a long time before giving any overt sign. The small signs were hard to catch: a minor crease between his eyebrows, a slight thinning of the lips, slowly exhaling through his nose, etc. I was curious to see if he had changed.

"What kind of a wizard would Tonks go for," I asked one night. Remus looked up quickly, too quickly, and gave some sort of non-commital murmur. "It's my duty as her cousin to help her find some romance. She works too hard and spends her off hours shut away with old codgers like us." Ah, there it was, the nose exhale.

"I have no idea, Sirius. Being an old codger, as you say, I would have no idea what a young, vibrant woman like her would want in a man."

"Foreign."

"What?"

"Foreign. Maybe she needs a man who's foreign. If he's not actually foreign himself, then he should have some exotic job overseas. Like Bill Weasley. Curse breaker, long hair, dragon skin boots, and all that to go with her punk hair." The eyebrow crease.

"Hmnh."

Remus gave as much of his attention as he could to his book. This conversation was really bothering him! It was more fun than I'd had in a long time. "So, who do you think she belongs with, Remus?"

Silence. Tense shoulders, tight jaw, clenched book. He wouldn't last much longer.

"Do you want to know who I think she belongs with?" I asked.

"Not particularly."

"Since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you. She needs someone mature, to keep her steady. She needs someone who won't want her to change, but won't mind when she does. She needs someone who needs her. When she loves you, she won't stop, she won't give up. She's a Black, so she's stubborn enough to stay with you when you try to run. You will try to run, of course Remus, but she will not let you get away with it."

And with that, I left. I hope it percolates properly.

Mistletoe

Remus:

I am a creature of habit. Nymphadora would hate to hear me say that, as it contains the word 'creature.' She has put much effort into showing me that I am, indeed, a man. Not since James has someone been so casual about my furry little problem. I've gotten used to rejection when people find out what I am. By the time I was twenty, I'd decided to accept the inevitable and acknowledge that I was not going to get married, was not going to keep a steady job, and that my best years, my Marauder years, were behind me. Not getting involved with anyone was easier than facing rejection when I was found out.

Perhaps it was because Tonks knew what I was from the start that I was able to be so comfortable around her. She liked to flirt, so we flirted. She and Sirius enjoyed evenings of drinking and playing Exploding Snap, and so we drank and played. We were paired on missions. She helped patch me up after a few nasty transformations. I caught her when she tripped. It all became our routine, and I was content with that.

At Christmastime, I was amused to see Sirius hang mistletoe in the oddest places. There was absolutely no method to the madness, as far as I could see. I tried to get some kind of explanation from him, but all I got was a look of disbelief, and odd mutterings like, "daft...repressed...take a chance, honestly...do it _for_ you if you can't do it for yourself..."

By the end of the first evening after the mistletoe was hung, it was obvious that a clever and devious strategy was in place. I'd caught Tonks three times as she'd stumbled, which was not unusual, and each time we'd found ourselves right smack under a ball of mistletoe. Each time, I kissed her dutifully on the cheek. The third time, I could have sworn that she'd started to turn her lips my way.

The fourth time she stumbled, it all happened in slow motion. I registered two critical things: we were alone, and that as she fell, her wide eyes went straight to the ceiling and she actually looked pleased to see yet another bunch of mistletoe. I couldn't just let her hit the floor, so I gallantly caught her and pulled her to me so she wouldn't fall. I don't know how long I stood there with her in my arms, one of her hands on my chest, one wrapped around the back of my neck, but something finally slid into place, and I did what I rarely do—I took a chance. When we finally moved apart some ten minutes later, her contented sigh made me very glad that I had.

Risk

Sirius, Remus, Tonks:

Suddenly slamming down his book, Sirius growled, "What are you waiting for, Moony?"

Remus took a deep breath, exhaled slowly through his nose and sat up straight. He was more than ready for this discussion.

Before he could offer any explanation, Sirius started again. "It's not your conscience Moony. It's your fear. You're afraid to commit to her because you're afraid to get hurt. I'll never understand you. She knows what you are—the good and the ugly. She loves you unconditionally. Most people would give their eye teeth for a relationship like that! But you, you'll push her away now just in case later she decides to leave you. Don't you want to be happy?"

"It's not that simple."

"Yes, it is!" Sirius bellowed. "You're just afraid to admit it. You're being a coward Moony!"

They stood there staring at each other and Remus felt how fragile his self control was becoming. What he felt for Sirius at the moment was very much like hate. He was rational enough to keep his wand pocketed and leave the room. On the stairs, he passed Tonks, but he neither acknowledged her nor slowed down. He walked out the front door and paced the street for a few minutes, trying to calm himself down enough to Apparate home. He turned suddenly, burst back into the front door, and stormed up the steps.

"Don't ever call me a coward, Sirius. As well as you think you know me, you still don't understand. You've always treated my lycanthropy as an excuse for having fun, for rule breaking. It's just not that simple. I can't keep a job. I have no money and I never will. I could harm or kill her. She deserves better than that. In ten, twenty, or a hundred years, I will be something she will regret, and she'll not thank you for having helped me placate my conscience and agree to something I know is wrong!"

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" shouted Tonks.

Remus turned sharply to face Tonks, his eyes locked on her. Slowly stepping towards her, he pelted her with statements. "You won't be able to keep your job as an Auror if you're coupled with a Dark Creature. People will think you are a fool and I'm a lecherous old man. Even if you don't end up sharing my lycanthropy, you'll be tainted in everyone's eyes because you're my mate." She was startled by the hardness in his voice and started to retreat.

His voice lowered and became husky as she was backed into the wall. "There's always a chance that I could lose control. One day, we could lose and the wolf could win. Do you know what that means?" Brushing her hair aside, he dropped his eyes to her throat and watched her pulse trip and quicken. "That means," he murmured nipping her earlobe, "that one day, I'll mark you. You will be a lycanthrope too. There will be no cure, no escape, no divorce. The damage will be irreparable. You have no idea how badly I will want to do that to you."

He kissed her neck and grazed her skin with his teeth. "Are you absolutely certain you can live with that risk?"

She pushed him back to look straight into his eyes. "Yes, I can."

As he stood there pressed against her, knowing she could be entirely his, body and soul, he felt a thrill from the level of power he could have with her. She would do anything for him because she loved him so completely. He blinked and the intensity faded.

"You overestimate my self control. Maybe I am a coward, because I can't live with that risk." He sighed and walked away.

Committment

Remus:

The most painful moment of my life is this moment, right now: having to walk from the veiled arch that Sirius just fell through to the place where Tonks has fallen. The man who has been like a brother to me is gone again, unrecoverable.

She's injured badly enough that she can't hold her morph. The sight of her brown hair shocks me into motion. For a moment I'm sure she is gone, but then she whimpers and clutches at me. I stroke her cheek, whisper her name, and her hair turns the slightest bit pink. I can breathe again.

I know now that I cannot resist her.


	2. Parting

Author's Note: The characters, of course, all belong to JK Rowling. If something from these particular scenes is familiar, you may have seen it on the LJ rtchallenge Spring Ficathon.

September

Tonks:

Joining the Order was something I had done because it was the right thing to do. I stayed because I loved it. I had expected it to be much like my work: duties to complete, dark wizards to uncover, partners to be endured. But I was surrounded by the unexpected. I had never had enough family (I can hardly consider my pure-blood snob relatives 'family'), and through the Order I was blessed with months of Sirius's company. Rather than dismissing me as a klutz who couldn't master household charms, Molly took me under her wing, and cared for me like I was one of her own children. When it became clear to her that I was not looking to be set up with one of her sons, she put all of her might (which is...mighty) into setting me up with the man I wanted: Remus.

Remus is not what I would have expected. I had been told in advance that he was the "resident werewolf" of the Order, but I also knew that he had been DADA professor, and Sirius's close friend. It was hard to connect those dots. We were paired on many missions, and I was surprised at how well we worked together. We both shared an equal concern for Sirius, and spent many evenings together at Grimmauld Place. I think it amused Sirius to watch us. It certainly amused him to try to get us paired. I'm glad it happened before we lost him.

Tonight I am studying Remus. He is gearing up to tell me something he's afraid I won't take well. His shoulders are tense, his eyes are guarded and shifty, and he nearly jumps out of his skin each time I touch him. I can't stand the tension between us, so I force him to sit down next to me and get it over with. "Dumbledore has given me a new assignment," he begins cautiously. He goes on and explains it all to me, and I am struck again with his devotion to The Cause. Remus camping out in a forest? Living with those who embody everything he hates about his curse?

I start to reassure him that it should only be for a little while, that I'll still bring him the Wolfsbane potion, wherever he is, that I will just be a Patronus away. I'll miss him desperately while we're apart, but I smile and try to put on a brave face. It could be worse. And then, it is.

He keeps speaking, "I won't be coming back to you, Tonks..."

The human body is an amazing thing. From that point on, I am physically unable to hear what he is saying. I can see him speaking and feel him softly touch my wet cheek (when did I start crying?), but I can't hear a word. I watch him leave and am promptly and violently ill.

And he hasn't come back.

October

Tonks:

It was a Hogsmeade weekend, and most of the students were out trying to enjoy one of the last warm days of autumn. Tonks heard a few students talking about their lessons. Most of them seemed to be trying to guess what the others would smell in Amortentia, and the discussions were punctuated with lots of giggling and sing-song teasing.

Tonks remembered her first encounter with the potion; she'd smelled a fresh pack of Exploding Snap cards (her favorite game to play with her Dad), her Mom's special 'out-on-the-town' perfume, and the peculiar smell of fresh mown grass combined with slightly sweaty Quidditch uniforms. She'd had lots of crushes on Quidditch players while at school.

These days, she suspected that her reaction to the potion would be quite different. She knew she'd still smell fresh mown grass, but expected that the smells of tea, old books, and aftershave would also figure into the equation: the smells she associated with Lupin. Daft prat.

November

Remus:

This was what he had been dreading: an Order meeting that was also a social occasion. The Order were celebrating Molly's recent birthday after a long, unremarkable meeting. Tonks sat on the opposite side of the room in a well lit corner, nursing a plate of chocolate birthday cake. He had done his best to avoid her, and she had stopped begging for his attention. In fact, she was downright hostile. Anyone who doubted it need only watch her eat that cake. She took many small bites, licking them slowly off of her fork, savoring each bit in her mouth before she swallowed it.

Remus was not eating cake tonight. He had to return to his mission, and the scent of chocolate would overemphasize to all the ferals that he had been with "civilised folk" again. He wanted that cake so badly that he had to force himself to sit as far away from the kitchen as possible. She knew it. That was why she had been eating one plate of cake, clearly within his view, for twenty whole minutes. With each bite, she would let her eyes flutter shut, and a look of bliss would appear on her face. She hadn't looked blissful in two months. He missed being the one to make her look like that. And now, she had found a substitute for him in that cake! Remus swallowed his wine ruefully. His current mission was something that he was required to do, whether he wished it or not. He had not, however, been required to give up Nymphadora. That was his choice, his own virtuous, self sacrificing choice. Just like not eating the cake--his choice for higher purposes. He didn't know how much longer he could resist the cake or the girl.

"Remus, dear, please have some cake. You look so thin these days," pleaded Molly. Inches from his sensitive nose was a plate heaped with moist, dark chocolate cake. He tried to refuse, but Molly persisted. He took the cake and set it on the table next to him, intending to leave it untouched. He was able to keep to his purpose for all of 30 seconds. In minutes, the cake was gone and he was in the kitchen for more.

Across the room, Tonks smiled genuinely for the first time in months. He couldn't resist the cake for long. She started to hope again that he would one day stop resisting her as well.

December

Tonks:

Tonks sat on the floor of her room in Hogsmeade with a sizeable stack of Christmas cards in front of her, all signed, addresed, and in envelopes. All but one: Remus's card. She couldn't let Christmas pass without sending him a card, but she was stumped about how she should sign the card. "Love," was what she wanted to sign, but it was becoming harder and harder for her to keep saying those things when he would _never_ say them back anymore. She was still fairly certain that he felt it, too, but how much longer could he push her away without it simply becoming normal for him?

She wanted to get him a gift that was lavish enough to show him that she still cared (and imparting a small bit of guilt wouldn't hurt), but she was afraid that he would send it back. That would be more than she could bear. So, she had picked a fairly large box of Honeydukes best and had it wrapped and ready to go as soon as she could manage to sign the card.

She sat on the floor for a full hour, tears streaming down her pale cheeks, thinking of all of the things she wanted, needed to say to him. In the end, before she dragged herself off to bed, she snatched up a quill and scrawled, "For Remus. Happy Christmas." She couldn't manage to sign her name without adding some declaration of her love, so she left it unsigned.

Christmas Eve

Tonks:

His height and lanky grace made him stand out in the Christmas crowd in Hogsmeade. She had the benefit of preparation. When he saw her, she could see him trapped by equal fight and flight impulses. Both stood still, staring at each other, until someone bumped into her, making her bend for a dropped package. When she'd stood up, he was gone.

The street blurred as her eyes filled. Then suddenly his hands were slipping around her waist, his breath on her skin, his face buried in her neck as he breathed her in. "I miss you, Nymphadora." He inhaled deeply, and was gone as quickly as he'd arrived, leaving his scent on her—her Amortentia.

New Year's Eve

Remus:

The hardest part of seeing her again is the way her unique scent stays with me for days. That peculair, heady scent of Amortentia that is Nymphadora Tonks—raspberries, chocolate, fresh air, and desire, is something I have missed since our parting. I could get blissfully drunk on that scent. That she still desires me is almost enough to make me give in, to make me come back. Almost, but not quite enough.

After a few days, her scent will fade and all I will smell is the filth, blood and hate of my brothers. No, the hardest part by far of seeing her again will be when her scent fades.

Late January

Remus and Tonks:

The snow on the windowsill of her room at the Hog's Head was piling up quickly as Tonks sat in an armchair which she'd dragged over by her bed. She was desperate to stretch out and get a good sleep on her bed, but it was occupied by an unconscious Remus. The days when she could have crawled under the covers next to him were over. He'd no doubt be upset enough that she had dared to nurse him. They'd been apart for five months now while he was on his mission, and she was drained by his absence. What she had done for him was what she'd had to do, but it had all been mechanical. Dutiful.

She'd been on patrol last night when the snow had started. It all looked so beautiful in the light of the full moon. Walking past the Shrieking Shack, she'd been startled to hear howls and yelps of pain. He knew she was here in Hogsmeade. How was she to stay away? In the morning, she'd decided to go to him, whether he wanted her to or not. The damage the wolf had done to the room and to himself was the most extensive she'd seen yet. Apparating back to her room with him, she'd gathered a sedative and some supplies and done what she could to mend him. Since his were destroyed, she'd slipped out for a bit to get him the simplest of robes, sure that he wouldn't accept anything more from her. He was clean, he was healed, he had clothes to wear. There was nothing more for her to do than to wait for him to leave her again.

Remus slowly became aware that his transformation was over, that it had been a bad one, but that he did not feel as much pain as he should. He stretched gingerly and registered being in a bed with blankets, that he was clean, and in a warm room. Damn. That meant Tonks.

He opened his eyes carefully, hoping that she would be away, and he would be able to sneak out, but he'd instantly locked eyes with her. He didn't need to be a Legillimens to read her: hurt, need, and persistent love were all there for him to see.

"Go back to sleep, Remus. I don't want anything from you. Just go to sleep." So he did.

The next morning, he woke to see her getting dressed for work and pulling her bland hair into a ponytail. She must have heard him stir, because she said, "breakfast and a robe are on the table." But she didn't turn around.

"Tonks," he started, "I can't..."

"Yes, you can. Like I said, I don't want anything from you. You were my cousin's best friend. Just take it and go."

She sat down in the armchair to tie her shoes, and he grabbed her arm. "I don't want you to feel sorry for me! I hate the look of pity I know I would see on your face if you looked at me. This is what I am: an old man, lying naked in a hotel room that I can't afford to pay for. Just let me go!"

"No, Remus. You have to let me go. You're hurting me."

He could see that he had bruised her arm. Damn. "Actually Remus, the only pity on my face would be for myself. I still want you. I'm stupid enough not to be able to move on and love someone who would actually want me. Just eat, get dressed and go. Or stay. It's up to you."

His body picked up her scent again from sleeping in her bed. It was with him for days.

February

Tonks:

Tonks was late for a meeting with Dumbledore, again. She slowed in the corridor to try to catch her breath and was startled by a soft yet stern, "_hem, hem_." As if the day hadn't been bad enough already.

Then the toad began to speak. "Miss Tonks, running in the halls is not tolerated, and I expect that you, as an Auror, would at least make an attempt at decorum. I know that ladylike behavior is not your...forte, but please, try to succeed at _something,_" the hag simpered. She had said 'Auror' as if it was a label she hesitated to apply to Tonks. Tonks struggled to keep her temper, and decided that the best way to acheive it was simply not to speak. Umbridge continued, "Valentine's Day is coming up soon. I expect that on that day you will confine your activities to guard duty and not give in to a public display of lust with your werewolf, ah, lover. Some people might just begin to wonder how to classify a creature such as yourself, if you persist in consorting with beasts." With that, the High Inquisitor had flounced off.

Tonks resisted the urge to aim a dozen different hexes at her, and instead gently grabbed hold of a bit of yarn trailing from that odious pink cardigan. She pulled the wad of Droobles from her mouth and used it to stick the yarn to the wall. A cackle startled her and Peeves floated into sight. "Naughty, naughty," he jeered.

"Do me a favor will you, Peeves, and either make sure that her entire sweater unravels or bugger off. I wish I could chase that hag down the hall while smacking her with a sock full of chalk!"

"Oooh, ideas!" shouted Peeves as he sailed away, upside down, following the trail of pink yarn.

March

Remus:

"I don't care," she had said. But she would care. When she knew what his life had been like with the ferals, it would change. Anyone in their right mind would care and would back away with horror. Since the day thirty years ago that he had recovered from his first transformation into the snarling, vicious beast that he became every month, he had put all of his effort into not letting himself be defined by that beast. He had paid attention to his parents' lessons in manners, he had become well read, he had tried, despite grinding poverty, to remain a gentleman.

But that was finished. Now, he stood at the edge of the forest with his packmates, the other ferals, looking into a schoolyard of innocent children. Prey. He was hungry. His rational mind was revolting against the idea that he could ever eat another human. But in only a few hours, the moon would remove him from that rational mind. He was no longer taking the Wolfsbane Potion. When he couldn't be aggresive, he was in danger from the rest of the pack.

Tonight, the school would be having a dance. There would be plenty of teens sneaking out of the grounds, looking for a quiet place to snog. The pack would be there to pick them off one by one. Remus would be there. Dumbledore needed him to be "in," to gain influence with the ferals, and Remus had given everything up to the mission, but he had never yet joined them in the hunt. Today he had been told in no uncertain terms that he would join them, or he would be the hunted. It was time to prove himself.

He managed to walk away from the group, who were busy anticipating their feast. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a stunted, oddly shaped tree that Order members used to leave him messages and necessities in. He was surprised to see what looked like a corked flagon carefully hidden. Wolfsbane. As quickly as he could, he drank it down. It was not going to be enough to keep him fully himself, but he knew that it would enable him to keep his mind enough to eat what he chose, and not what his curse chose for him. This must have come from Tonks, he thought. She had done it again: allowed him to preserve enough of himself, that he just might be able to come back to her after all.

April

Remus:

I cannot continue in this life. If I cannot win them over, then I will let them kill me. I cannot go back to her as I am. She's pure and I'm tainted. When I started this life, I said that I would not return. But a part of my mind stayed free, looking for her face, hoping she would appear for just a moment—a bit of light in all this dark. Later, I still tried to make a way, to uncover a simple path to go back. But there is no path and no way back from here.

May

Remus and Tonks:

Remus had followed her out of the hospital wing, presumably to argue his case again. Tonks was not letting him get away with it this time. If he was determined to push her away forever, so be it, but she was done with being polite and loving in her responses to him. This was going to get ugly, and Tonks rather enjoyed that thought.

"Tonks," pleaded Remus, "we've been through this a hundred times. You think that we belong together, but it just isn't realistic. It's old ground, I know, but you have to understand. I'm just too..."

"STOP!" she shrieked before he could get any further. "I swear to you that if you say that rubbish one more time, I will permanently disable your ability to speak. I have had people treat me like I am immature because of my hair and my clothes. I have had pureblood snobs treat me like I'm rubbish because my father is Muggle-born. But I have never had anyone be as patronizing to me as you have been this year. I've heard your '101 Reasons Why Tonks Deserves Someone Better Than Me' speech enough times to recite it along with you, Lupin." When he heard her use his surname, Remus blanched and started to speak, but Tonks raised her wand and pointed it right between his eyes. "Do. Not. Tempt. Me. Lupin." She exhaled slowly, and lowered her wand, but only a bit.

"You think I don't understand your reasons, that you can make me understand by giving me a proper explanation. But the truth is that you don't trust me. You are afraid that I will someday see that I've made a horrible mistake. That I will change my mind and leave you. You are afraid of what people will think about us. You. Not me. You don't have to decide whether being with me is right or wrong for me. You just have to decide whether when I promise to love you in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, you will believe me or not. It's that simple. YOU are afraid of ME. I know exactly who and what you are. I know my mind and my heart, and I know that I can handle you. You need to decide right now whether you want me or not. Whether you trust me or not." Tonks lowered her wand and stood as still as stone.

The silence stretched on until she couldn't bear it any more. She turned to walk away, but slowly Remus lifted his hand and touched her cheek. As he did so, her hair turned just the slightest shade of pink. What they could have between them was truly magical, in every sense. Remus pulled her to the ground, and they held each other and wept and kissed. He didn't know what he had done to be so blessed with someone like her, but he knew then that he would never walk away from her again.


	3. Reconciliation

**Author's Note: The characters, of course, all belong to JK Rowling. If something from these particular scenes is familiar, you may have seen it on the LJ rtchallenge Spring Ficathon. The quote in 'Renewed' is from Anne Bradstreet. **

Reconciled

Just To Be

They left the grounds of Hogwarts together, mourning the loss of Dumbledore, yet feeling content for the first time in months. They walked hand in hand to Tonks's room at the Hog's Head and sat at the table together, sharing a bottle of wine. They breathed, blinked, and drank in unison. They had come so close to losing one another, to losing what was best in themselves. Exhausted, they just needed to be together. They both felt the inevitable awkwardness brought on by months of separation and frustration, but they felt no need to rush into a venting of their pent up passion. First, they just needed to _be_. Together.

Slowly, Remus stood up and gathered Tonks in his arms. He needed to know and feel that this was real. That she was really there with him, and wasn't going to leave him. They stretched out on the bed together and fell asleep, worn out by the battle, grief, and their relief that separation was finally over.

Through his dreams, he smells her sweetness and feels her pulse. Slowly, she begins to replace his horrible memories, desperation and fears from the past few months with hope, security, and future plans.

As she rests in the comforting weight of his arms, she begins to feel rooted to the ground again, rather than constantly feeling like she is falling off of a cliff. His strength restores her color and revives her dwindling hope.

As the sun comes up, they are both afraid to open their eyes; afraid that it is just another dream, like the hundreds they have had during the lost months. But he still feels her pulse and she still feels the weight of his arms. They wake up smiling for the first time in ages.

Tactics

It was one of those rare days when everything went right. Remus stretched in the sun that was shining gently on the garden at the Burrow. Bill and Fleur's wedding had been simple, but lovely. There were so many things that could have gone wrong, but none of them did. Even Molly seemed to be able to relax and enjoy herself. The Ministry had provided discreet but formidable protection, so the wedding would not be an enticing target for a Death Eater attack. There were, perhaps, a few dozen less guests than expected. Some of Bill and Fleur's friends had made their excuses, and Remus knew exactly why. Bill shared Remus's taint; this was just the beginning of a social stigma that would continue throughout his life. Even though Bill was never a fully transformed werewolf, there would always be those who were leery of him, who would never quite trust him. Remus rejoiced, though, that Fleur had proved steadfast. Just as Tonks had for him.

Tonks was currently sitting with Ginny, offering some "big sister" comfort and advice. Ginny and Harry's estrangement was one of the few black clouds on this beautiful day. Before they'd arrived at the Burrow, Tonks had informed Remus that she expected him to have a chat with Harry. With James, Sirius, and Dumbledore gone, Harry needed someone to put him straight. Who better than you, she'd asked. Harry seemed to learn his lessons the hard way, just like Remus.

Tonks caught Remus's attention, raised an eyebrow and looked pointedly in Harry's direction. She claimed not to be an Occlumens, but she always managed to guess what he was thinking, and when he was trying to avoid something. Remus grabbed some Butterbeer and two glasses, and went to sit by Harry. He decided to jump right in rather than waffle about with small talk. "She's not going to let you protect her like this, Harry."

Harry's shoulders slumped. He said nothing, but accepted the glass Remus offered him. "Our women are strong, Harry. You'll find you've either got to let them fight at your side or spend all of your time fighting them, rather than fighting your true enemies."

Lupin paused for a minute, then continued. "Do you really think that she will be less of a target if she is not your girlfriend?"

Harry's tone of voice was flat and deadened. "I have to do this. I couldn't bear it if I was the reason something happened to her."

"Harry, let me give you a few reasons why that is, as Tonks would say, total bollocks. First, Ginny comes from a long line of blood traitors. She is a target no matter what. Second, you are a lousy Occlumens, and would never be able to hide your feelings about her from anyone. Third, you are making a decision for her, and she is no more likely to accept that from you than Tonks was from me." Both men looked at Tonks who was still talking, and Ginny who was weeping quietly. "They are both formidable witches. Your father was quite a powerful wizard, but all it took was one angry look from Lily, and he knew when he was beaten. Back then, none of us understood why he backed down so quickly when she got upset. Now, I understand very clearly. Molly, Tonks, Ginny and I dare say Hermione too, are cut from the same cloth."

"They are all a bit scary, yeah," grumbled Harry. Remus filled their glasses again, and they sat companionably. "How did Tonks change your mind? You were so set against letting her be with you," Harry blurted as if he was both eager and afraid to ask something so personal of Lupin. Remus smiled slowly as he remembered the lecture he'd gotten from Tonks on the night of Dumbledore's death.

Remus blinked as he realized that Harry had started to apologize for asking something so personal. "No Harry," he said quietly, "I was just thinking. You see, Tonks made me see that it wasn't her that I was protecting. I was protecting myself. I left her before she could leave me. That's what you are doing as well. You are making it easier for you to go to battle, but you are leaving Ginny to fight alone. Your heart was meant to be whole, Harry, and you need Ginny for that. That is the difference between you and Voldemort: he knows no love, shares with no one. You must be whole and human to win this fight."

They sat silently again, both watching their women talking together. "Do you know what Tonks is doing, Harry? She's helping Ginny with battle tactics. It's best not to try to fight a battle that you have no chance of winning mate." Remus grinned at Harry and downed the rest of his drink. It was time for a dance with his nymph.

Renewed

They spent a lot of time these days just sitting together, close enough to touch. The war was at its height, and they were reminded of the need to value the time they had together—however much that might be. Last year was lost to them. There was nothing they could do to get it back. But they would not lose more time by mourning it. Knowing that what they had together had almost been lost, they were determined to do whatever was needed in order to stay together. It was going to take time before they were back on their old footing, but they both hoped that it would be better than before. They had weathered adversity, and come out of it together. Now, even the most simple moments were treasures.

Tonks used to be eager to go out, and worried about Remus's desire to hide himself, and their relationship, from the world. The last year lost had changed all of that. Being together was enough; each hour of it as precious as pearls. Tonks was reminded of something Molly had told her, when she had despaired that winter. Molly had consoled her with tea and wisdom, noting that, "if we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." It was spring for Remus and Tonks: their love restored, their life together like new everyday. It was a very welcome gift indeed.

Bachelor Party

Last spring, while at her most desperate, Tonks had toyed with Lupin by slowly and seductively eating a piece of chocolate birthday cake after an Order meeting. She knew that he did not intend to eat any, since he was in full self-deprivation mode, so she had chosen a chair in a well lit corner, and started in on that cake. She knew that he was trying to not look at either her or the cake, but he was failing dismally. Molly, bless her, had delivered Remus a plate of cake, which he set aside firmly. Within seconds of taking a glance at Tonks, still in ecstacy over her cake, Remus had hoovered up his cake and gone back for more. Tonks had decided that night, that if Remus didn't change his mind about her, she was going to borrow a Muggle seduction tip (shared by Sirius, of course), and jump out of a giant chocolate cake, so he wouldn't be able to resist her any more.

Remus _had_ changed his mind. They were getting married very soon, and Tonks couldn't be happier. Remus had refused a bachelor party, though, saying that with the Marauders gone, it wouldn't feel right. So, Tonks had gotten help from a few giggling friends and had herself put (scantily clad) into a huge chocolate cake. Her friends rang Remus's doorbell and disapparated. The cake had been charmed to roll itself into Remus's flat when he opened the door, and sultry music was charmed to start. Through the cake, Tonks could barely hear Remus's confused, "what the..." before the music started and the top of the cake popped off. Tonks jumped out, in nearly naked glory and started to dance for the man she loved so much.

Before she'd gotten far, though, she registered two things: Remus looked pleased, but completely embarrassed, and that he was not alone. The Weasley men, Harry, Ron, Dung, and Kingsley were all sitting in Remus's lounge, mouths agape at the evening's entertainment. "Wicked," murmured the twins. Tonks yelped and ducked back inside of the cake.

"Gentlemen, thanks for coming tonight. As you can imagine, though, I'd rather continue this party without an audience," Remus chuckled. Amidst much laughter and well wishes, the men all went out, leaving behind an amused Remus and an absolutely mortified Tonks. Remus's strong arms gently lifted Tonks out of the cake and into his lap. At first he couldn't tell whether she was laughing or crying or both. "I've never had anyone do something so amazing for me before, Tonks. My two favorite things: chocolate and a beautiful woman."

Tonks was finally able to laugh. "I thought you weren't having a bachelor party!" she giggled.

"As did I. They surprised me. It wasn't much of a party though, and not nearly as much fun as what we can do now." His grin was the sexiest thing she had ever seen. "What's that?" she asked.

"Eat."

The Simple Moments

Waiting for Tonks to come to bed, he gazed out the window of their bedroom thinking of the moments that still took his breath away—the simple moments. Putting his toothbrush away next to hers, pulling back the blankets to see two pillows, placing his shoes next to hers in the hall, preparing two cups of tea every morning. He could hardly believe that he was now a married man.

They were much poorer than richer, he was more often sick than in health, the world was worse rather than better. They couldn't control any of that, but what they could control, they gave themselves up to: love, honor and cherish.

What _do_ you remember?

On their first anniversary, Tonks served the leftover part of their wedding cake. "Eating the top of the cake on the first anniversary is a Muggle tradition," she'd explained, and went on to rhapsodize about how delicious it had been at their wedding. He'd confessed that he didn't remember the cake at all. Flowers? No. Music? No. Wine? No.

"What _do _you remember?" she'd asked impatiently.

"I remember the lace of your dress under my fingertips as we danced, the smell of your perfume, and most of all my pride every time I was able to say 'my wife' to anyone and everyone I could."

"Cake?" she'd offerred, blushing.

"Not just yet, love. Come dance with me."

The Sweetest Fruit

When Harry and Ginny had set off for their honyemoon, Harry had kept the time honored tradition of making the destination a secret. All he would say was, "somewhere warm." Remus had smiled, remembering the few happy months Sirius had spent somewhere down south trying to escape the Ministry and its Dementors.

They'd returned with bolts of brightly colored silk for Tonks and a crate of coffee, tea and tropical fruit for Remus. Some of the fruits he could easily recognize, but a few remained a mystery. One in particular, a spiky oval shaped one, smelled like it was completely rotten. Seeing his wrinkled nose, Ginny had laughed. "That one's durian. The vendor said it smells like Hell, but it tastes like Heaven!" Remus gave the fruit a wide berth, afraid that even being near it would cover him with that horrible stench.

Tonks, meanwhile, had charmed the peel off a pineapple and the four of them sat down down to enjoy it and catch up on news. When Harry and Ginny left, Tonks still wanted one more snack. She peeled some more mystery fruit and offered it to Remus. "What is it?"

"It's a mango. You've never seen a mango?"

He had seen them in supermarkets but he'd never seen one so yellow and fat. It smelled amazing. That must be what Sirius had been talking about. When he'd been cooped up in Grimmauld Place, Sirius had started to crave odd things: doughnuts from one particular shop, curry from one special restaurant, and mangoes. He'd badgered Remus into going out and looking for these things, and was invariably disappointed at what Remus brought back. He recalled Sirius's lengthy rant about what a perfect tropical mango was like. "Almost as good as sex, mate!"

Tonks laughed when he told her. "Judge for yourself. Sirius had been celibate for twelve years in Azkaban. It must have skewed his judgement. No fruit could be better than sex." And with that, Tonks popped a piece of mango into his mouth.

Oh. Now he understood.

"So," she asked, "better than making love to your beautiful wife?"

He paused before replying, mostly because he wasn't ready to swallow yet. The taste got better the longer he left it in his mouth. That pause was a mistake. Tonks started to pout. He swallowed regretfully. "No love, of course not."

"Good. Then you won't mind chucking out the rest of that mango and making love to me instead."

"But Tonks, it's a perfectly good mango," he said as he put another piece in his mouth. "Harry and Ginny went to a lot of effort to bring it back for us. I'd hate to waste it." Her eyes narrowed. "I mean, the mangoes in the supermarkets here are nothing like these. You know, they really are almost as good as..." and he stopped himself just in time. "I did say almost," he said with a grin as he reached for the last bit of mango.

She blocked him. Unbuttoning his shirt, she slid behind him and started kissing his neck. She had very active, naughty hands. "Please Dora, there's only a little bit left. Just give me one minute to finish." The fruit was almost in his mouth when she whispered, "but what if I do this?"

"Can you keep doing that while I eat the mango?"

"What about this?"

"Guh," he gasped. The rest of the fruit slipped to the floor, untasted.


End file.
